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Saturday, November 15, 2008

A Hard Thing to Say

OK, I'm going to launch into something I almost never do, because of how explosive the topic is, but as I worked on some Christmas crafts tonight, I could not get this out of my mind. In fact, I should be asleep right now instead of up typing. But sometimes I just can't sleep until I work things out in my head.
I've been saying since the election that I am going to give Obama a chance, even if I don't really think he can do the things he says he can, because he asked America to do so, and I believe that everyone deserves a chance to reach their potential. I sincerely hope that he can help America climb out of this sinkhole we're in. He seems to be a loving father to his girls. But one thing really bothers me. I know that liberal politicians are for abortion and all that, but I will not agree with it. And it really, really bothers me that a man like Obama, who is such a role model, such a historic figure, should so openly condone it. In an interview I saw, he was saying that if one of his daughters should make a mistake (i.e. get pregnant), he would hope that she would not have to be burdened by the consequences of that mistake, to paraphrase. Can I support a leader who thinks like this (and trust me, I know he is not the only one, but as an upstanding, decent, loving family man with a message of peace and change, shouldn't he be different?)?
I find this whole point of view just awful. First of all, this is exactly the attitude that is raising an entire generation of children to believe that they do not have to take responsibility for their actions. Second of all, a child is never a mistake. There are always people willing, desperate, to have a child of their own, who will gladly pay for medical care for a mother and child and for adoption costs. I know this because our church has a program in place to do just this, to help everyone involved.
In high school and college, I was actually Pro-Choice. But then I realized what I was standing up for. Yes, a woman has the right to make choices for her own body, but that right doesn't begin with the decision to have an abortion or not to. It begins with the choice to have sex or not to have sex. And guess what, if you're not ready to raise a child and completely alter the course of your life, then you probably should not be having sex - or at least you'd better be pretty darn well protected. And yes, I have the right to speak out on this one. I know from experience.
While we're on the "it's my body, my choice" argument, I have to say that once you conceive, you are no longer only choosing for yourself- you're also choosing for another person. A little person who cannot choose for himself or herself. A little person whose greatest protector should be his or her mother.
Who are we to decide whether this person lives or dies? Who are we to wipe them off the face of the earth before they have even had a chance to live or be held and loved? To erase whatever they would have or might have been?
It absolutely kills me. I want to cry sometimes, and my heart freezes for a second, when I think of what my life would have been like had I made a different choice nine years ago. I have to squeeze my eyes shut and push the horrible thoughts away, but this feeling of loneliness and despair sits heavy on my heart for awhile afterward.
What would I do without my bossy little dancer, my mothering little book-worm?


How can I look at my beautiful, amazing daughter and think abortion is OK? How can I look at her and say "the world would have been better without you because I wanted to finish college first, because I wasn't ready to raise a baby yet"? What if I had made a different choice? Would the world have ever known her? Would Skylar, Bart, Drake, and Lucy ever have existed? They are the lights of my life - what would I have been without them? How do I possibly - me, a human being - have the knowledge and responsibility to make a decision so enormous that its consequences echo throughout this life and eternity?
George and I did make a choice, and I am thankful everyday that it was the right one. We had the support and love of our families, and that made all the difference.
I'm actually crying as I write this because it took a lot to make me realize the infinite importance of family and of human life. It took everything in my entire life being turned upside down - my parents splitting up, getting pregnant at eighteen, my sister dying - before I could know. We pass through experiences that change us so completely that we don't even recognize the person we were before.
And I guess I'll break my other taboo - not going off on a religious slant. But I have to say that I cannot believe that a God who loves even the smallest and most insignificant ant, and each and every blade of grass, would not value a tiny half-grown human life, too. I cannot believe that forty million little lights being snuffed out every year would not break his heart. I know, from watching my own parents grieve, that the passing of just one beloved child is more than a person can bear sometimes.


So I look at this picture here and I try to imagine what it would look like without Skylar - and then would follow Bart, Drake, and Lucy. What a lonely, lonely thought. I cannot even bear to type this, but I have to have the courage to say what I believe, even if it's hard to swallow. I can barely write this because my eyes are filled with tears.
What I'm saying is that each of us is free to make our own choices, but we will be held accountable for the consequences of those choices. Right or wrong. We have to take responsibility for what we do and realize that the choices we make for ourselves affect others - infinitely many others.
What will my grandchildren be like? Will they have curls like Skylar or red hair like Drake? Will they say "Thank you, my darlin" like Bart, or cry with a hoarse little voice like Lucy?
Each of us has a duty to correct some wrongs, stand as a better example to future generations, and to be the voice for little ones who have none yet.
What will my grandchildren be like? My great-grandchildren, even?
I don't know yet, but the point is that I will.

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