Randomness

Looking back my last post was all over the place. I am operating on very little sleep and I don't think I've made sense in several days.
Things are starting to get back to normal, sort of....

George had to go to Atlanta on Thursday, last minute. It was kind of nice having the kids all to myself, but it was also a little nutty.

It snowed, which was really weird. Big, fat flakes which would've made for some really nice snow if it had just been a bit colder. It was really pretty, though. I took the little two to playgroup at church.

Friday was insanity. George told me not to worry about getting a babysitter since he'd be back in time. Only he must have blacked out and not remembered he said that because late Thursday night when he called he told me he would NOT be back before 4 or 4:30pm ( I had to leave for work at 12:30). So I had no choice but to take the little two to Play Date. Only, the max they can stay there is 4 hours per day, so I had to RUN over on my dinner break and shuttle them back home so Skylar and Bart could watch them for an hour or so until George got home, after 5pm. I felt like such a crappy mom.

I've been on anti-depressants forever and found Prozac to be the best one for me. Last week, my psych put me on Adderall, too, which I am liking a lot. The other day I felt giddy for the first time in probably five years. I was reading "Yo Mama" jokes on my iPhone at like midnight and laughing my butt off. I'm not even sure they were all that funny, and George certainly didn't think so, but they sure seemed hilarious to me at the time. Also, I'm able to get up in the morning and look forward to what the day will bring, even if it's just more of the same old. I just have to find my happy balance between energetic/enthusiastic and can't-sleep-at-night-hyper.

Sometimes I wish my brain worked right. I look around and wonder how many of us there are, walking around with smiles on the outside while on the inside it's basically a constant struggle to keep it together. I wonder how other people do it who do not have the support and determination I have. It's really exhausting. I wonder how many people go undiagnosed and go their whole lives thinking that their lives suck or that they're worthless or that nobody loves them.

I don't even know why I'm babbling on about this personal issue, but I think back to how I felt before I got my medication working well for me, and I can't believe I lived or felt like I did. And I don't want other people to feel like that. I wish there was some way to help. It's really amazing how wonderful life is when your brain is functioning semi-normally and you can appreciate all your blessings.